True Happiness

It was the greatest look ever. She never had to think it over. It was pure and true. It was a look of happiness. I had never seen such a pure look before and it was all for me. I knew then that I would never have to worry about being good enough . I was good enough. Whatever struggles or problems I had or would have, I would never have to face them alone. Every important moment I would have someone to share it with. I had the love of my life and I would do whatever it takes to make it work and create a life with her. Being good enough meant growing up and being a man. Something I no idea about and little did I know that "whatever" was a hell of a lot....

My Grand Engagement Idea Goes Kapoot!

I felt like a genius! I knew how I was going to propose. Stacey and I had seen The Notebook and she mentioned how romantic it was when Ryan Gosling asks Rachel McAdams out on the ferris wheel by risking life and limb just to hear a simple "yes". Okay.... I know what your thinking tubby is going to hang off of a ferris wheel until she says "yes". Nope. Actually that isn't a bad idea, just at that particular time and weight I would have broke the damn ferris wheel. It would have gone from The Notebook to Final Destination in the span of thirty seconds. I went online and found a fair that was about 50 miles away and had this massive ferris wheel. I figured I would slip the operator twenty bucks to hold it at the top so we could see over the city and I would propose. April 21st, 2005 was the date I had set . Then April 1, 2005 almost exactly one year to the day since moving to Ohio I took Stacey to a buffet. (I had a free coupon, I watched what I ate, not that it was good, anyway) I cracked a joke about about leaving her that night to hang out with a bunch of guys at a strip club (it was April Fool's Day) she said, "well at least you didn't ask me to marry you. I would never have believed you". The seed was planted I would do it at 12:01am April 2. Goodbye, ferris wheel. Hello, new life. 12:01 came around and I looked at Stacey, then I told her how much I loved her and how I wanted to spend my life with her. Then I asked her to marry me. I will never forget the look on her face....

Are All Men Idiots or Just Me?

Okay - the alpha male in me decided that Stacey needed a house. She never actually said she needed a house. She never actually said she needed anything. How smart am I? Will you marry me? I know I'm broke but at least I have a house I can't afford. Yes, it happened that fast. I bought a house. Sure, I had no experience with the real world and had made about only thirteen thousand dollars the year before but hey, I could get a mortgage loan for a hundred and thirty thousand dollars. I'm sure with these statistics Stacey would have no other option but to marry a stud like me. The whole deal was shady and I was a moron. One of my bosses at the health club, Brad, said he was selling his house. I said in between sets of chest presses, "I'll buy it". Within a month, his wife Lisa and his mortgage guy had set up everything and I had a house. Being twenty one and naive as I was, they told me that everything was in tip top shape and I did not need an inspection. As I write this, I really feel like the biggest idiot in the history of idiots. This was only the beginning of the problems that would ensue, that everyone else but me could see. At least I had Stacey....

Do I Have Any Idea What I Am Doing?

I was in love. Not comfortable love but "The Notebook" love. Stacey was unbelievable. She had been with me through thick and thin (especially thick), but what did I have to offer her? She had been married, had a kid whom I adored, had traveled around the world, was amazingly smart, and absolutely, undauntingly beautiful. I, on the other hand, had never finished college, was battling a weight problem, could barely take care of myself (essentially, I was broke), and until two months into our relationship I didn't even have a car. I only bought one because she refused to stop driving me home in the middle of the night. Well, I loved her, damnit, and I was pretty sure that she loved me back the same way. I was going to propose to her, so I cashed in all the savings bonds I had had since I was a little kid and bought a ring. Not just any ring either, but the type of ring she had once told me she wished she could have if she ever got married again. Now, I had the ring, when it dawned on me; If I'm going to have a family they need a home to live in. Not a two bedroom apartment with Don Fatz in the other room smoking a fattie. Before I could propose, I had to get a house. What a dilemma this put me in..............

The Previous Six Months

Stacey was a pain in the ass! She was basically my trainer and worked me into the ground. She cared, which was nice. When I was losing the weight I continually fell off the proverbial wagon. We worked with a bunch of guys who, everyday, went out and bought the most unhealthy food imaginable. You know if it is unhealthy it is also delicious! I often gave into the temptation. Then they would party all night. Stacey never gave up. She encouraged me every step of the way. When I exercised she always made sure that I used proper form and kept up at a cardio pace. On top of that, she made me exercise parts of my body that I did not feel needed work. My legs had always been in good shape. Boy, was I wrong! My legs actually shrunk! The funniest thing, in retrospect, was that as big as I was my male ego tried to force feed me a bunch of rubbish. "Your legs are in good shape." Stacey taught me that big legs are big legs and toned legs are not. It is a good feeling when you realize that your legs are not rubbing together nearly as much as they used to. I could not have done it without Stacey. She kept me focused and very happy. (Well, the leg exercises did cause a little crabbiness at times) Everyone should have a trainer. They are the most important part about weight loss. They keep you accountable and motivated. There are days when you want to quit and you might. Then again, you might not. It could just be a bump in the road. For me, whenever there was bump in the road Stacey forced me to move my extremely sore body and get over the bump.

Secret of Dieting

Six months and sixty-five pounds later I was still twenty-five pounds away from my goal of 190lbs and with a month left I certainly felt that I was fighting an uphill battle. Everyday I amped up the cardio exercise (hated it!) and weight training. I was taking supplements. I was doing the whole shebang. All of it, except the most important: dieting. Now, when it comes to dieting I have tried them all. The most obvious, like no -carb Adkin's, is moronic. Carbohydrates are energy. The minute you get off that diet the weight goes back on. It is kind of like "let's lose weight and still die". I heard that the guy who created that diet died of a heart attack from eating poorly, but hey, it sells a lot of books. That's fine, I did the artery clogging Atkin's diet(bacon, bacon, bacon!), then I did the "super healthy" raw diet where I ate only raw fruits and vegetables. I got the best results with that one but I was very unhappy and irritable. In addition, I was not getting the proper nutrients. I looked gaunt and miserable. That month I did not reach my goal. I fell short by twenty pounds. If I lost twenty-five in a month I probably would have run into some health problems, anyway. I have since lost the weight over time, and lost it healthily and easily. I learned a lot that month. I learned that if you set big goals you may not hit them but falling short of a big goal is much better than only achieving a small goal. It took me a long time, but I discovered the secret to losing weight and still being happy. My life after that month was going to change in a truly unforeseen way. But first a note on the previous six months......

Challenges

"I don't have enough time", "I can't find the time", "I am too tired" (another way of saying "I am too lazy"), and my personal favorite, "I'll do it tomorrow". What is wrong with people? We live in a society of fat people who refuse to take care of themselves. I know because I was one of them. We are too busy working! We are too busy letting life pass us by! We are too busy being busy! And, when we are not too busy being busy, we are "resting" from being too busy. I was opening and closing the health club seven days a week. I worked a commission job for 99 hours a week, yet I found a way to get my rotund body up and away from the desk, the phones, and the damn sandwiches that the male trainers shoved in my face to get on the treadmill and lose some weight. Some people will say, 0k, but there are 168 hours in a week. However, after 99 hours at work, and balancing the rest of the time between a new girlfriend, eveyday routines, and sleep........ I really did not have enough time-but guess what? I MADE THE TIME! I chose to eat better, I chose to exercise. If I wanted to watch cable I had to go to a bar or Stacey's house. I was not going to fall back into old routines. I cared about me! I cared about Stacey! Was it easy? NO! Was I perfect at it and lost weight every week? NO! Did I ever indulge in good food and better beer? Hell, Yes! Did I back slide? Yes, often, but at the end of the day I was accomplishing what I had intended. I have always loved the movie Braveheart and the tagline was "Every man dies, but not every man really lives." I was damned if I wasn't going to live a full and happy life. Now, I had to find a way to get out of this club before I went insane. Living life to the fullest is often a struggle just like losing weight, but if you don't persevere what is the point?